A Working Mother’s Lament

Workingmom.jpgWhen I was pregnant with my daughter, I was working as a regional manager for a health club. I had worked there for 9 years. My plan was to work up until the day I gave birth and to take a 3 month maternity leave. But it is hard for a first time mother to anticipate the roller coaster of emotions, the lack of sleep and the absolute need a newborn has for her mother. As my leave neared I knew there was no way that I would be able to return to work. My daughter needed me. I made the decision not to return to work. We had saved up our money and we were fortunate enough that I was able to do this. That first year was a difficult one, but it was also amazing. I never had to regret missing the first time she rolled over or sat up or took her first steps. I didn’t want to hear about it from somebody else. I wanted to witness it all myself. Mommy screamed, and clapped & smiled watching each of these momentous moments.

As her first birthday approached, money was getting tighter and it was sadly time to re-enter the workforce. A month after she blew out that first candle, mommy head out for her first day of work. I cried the whole drive in. All of my friends assured me that it would get easier. “You will grow to appreciate it”, they said. “You will get used to it”. I have now been a working mother for the exact same time that I was a stay at home mom and guess what… it has not gotten easier.

I love my daughter first thing in the morning. Of course I love her all the time, but when she first wakes up in the morning she is a delight. Truth be told, I miss her in the overnight & she misses me too. When I hear that angelic little voice calling “Maaaaaammmaaaaa.”, my heart melts. When I see the face that goes with that voice, I see love. I get very little time with her in the morning before I have to head off to work, so I try to make every second count. I squeeze in a few moments of hugs, tickles and play, just so that she can remember that mommy is fun & funny and loves her. I worry that she will forget. Then I watch her blow kisses to me from the window as I pull out of the driveway.

This morning was a particularly hard day for me. My daughter was clingier than usual and clung to me like a baby koala climbing up a eucalyptus tree. I told her that I had to go to work. “Noooo Mama!” Ouch, my heart hurts a little. Usually I will have to pull her away no matter how much it I don’t want to, but today I just couldn’t. Today, I was late for work.

I know that it is a lot of work staying at home with your little ones. I remember it well, but sometimes I really wish that my only full time position was mommy.

About The Pinterested Parent

I am loving wife to my best friend & mommy to our smarty pants little girl, who loves to learn, craft & play. I am an artist, a crafter & I am Pinterest addict. When I first started my blog it was meant to be an outlet for my Pinterest addiction. I was looking to inspire & be inspired. What it became was a wonderful journey for me & my daughter in which we chronicle our activities, crafts, lessons & a hefty slice of our life. Please join us as we navigate through this wonderful thing called motherhood.
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11 Responses to A Working Mother’s Lament

  1. I actually went back to work teaching when Emma was 7 weeks old. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I cried and cried for weeks everyday when I left her. It did get a bit easier, but then I actually lost that job die to cuts and the economy when I was pregnant with Lily. Right now, I am glad I am able to work from home even when my day is at it’s craziest, because I get the best of both worlds, but yet there are times when I wish I could just do my job without having to stop every few minutes to take care of someone else. So, I think either way there are challenges and as moms we can never quite do it all whether we work out of the home or from home. My heart goes out to you though and wish I could give you a great big, old hug.

    • It was definitely frazzling when I was home full time with her, so I think I enjoy the break without even realizing it. I do miss her so much though throughout the day. I am happy that it is the weekend.

  2. artsyprincess says:

    My daughter is 2 1/2 and I still feel the same way every day!

    Now she’s old enough to tell me to stay home, especially when she wakes up and doesn’t feel good. It is so heartbreaking!

    Some people are great at balancing the whole ‘working mom’ thing, and I totally commend them for that. I told my husband that I’m just not cut out for it and that I really wish I could be at home all the time..

    I definitely know how you are feeling! You are definitely not alone!

  3. Carrie says:

    I can totally feel your pain on this one. I was lucky enough to be able to leave my daughter at home with her daddy for the first 18 months, but it was still hard to say goodbye to her every day. I feel like the “parent who’s always leaving her.” When he returned to work, it got even harder. Like artsyprincess above, I am not good at balancing the working mom thing. We saved up some money and cut some corners and I am about to leave my job and try my hand at being a full-time mom. It scares me a little bit, but I also can’t wait. Hugs to you! I know it’s so hard.

  4. My friends always told me the same thing. “You’ll get used to it.” “It’ll get easier.” It didn’t get easier though. It felt bad every day, until the very last day before I left work when we moved to another country. Now I’m a SAHM, and I look back at those days when I worked and felt guilty all day and all night. I remember that as soon as I got home, every second I had belonged to my son. I didn’t go to the bathroom, didn’t get out of my work clothes. I spend every second I had with him and it was special. We had good quality time together every day. Now that I’m home, it seems to be much harder to get that with my kids. And so now I regret that I made myself feel so bad. We do our best no matter what our circumstances. We should always remember to pat ourselves on the back every now and then and give ourselves some credit. It’s tough for us women in today’s world. And I think we’re doing a great job.
    Leila Boukarim
    Find me and my writing on Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/433010

  5. Thank you, Leila. It definitely makes me appreciate the time that we have, but it is still hard leaving in the morning. I am always afraid that I am not doing right by my daughter. You are right we have to give ourselves & others credit. We are all doing the best that we can for our kiddos.

  6. Erika says:

    I’ve been back at work for exactly a year today. Still miss my son as well. I wish I could find a part time job or one with flexible hours, but there aren’t many options available. In my country (South Africa) you are fortunate if you have a job that pays fairly well like mine. Only issue is I get home after 6 every day and don’t see much of my son.

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