A friend of mine from work used to always tell me that once you hit 40 it all goes downhill. It was a funny thing because she told me this days before my 39th birthday. The day after turning 39, I landed myself in the hospital with my first attack of pancreatitis. We laughed about it & joked that I guess I wanted to get a head start. This past birthday I actually did hit the big 40 & for my birthday, I got a surprise party from my husband, a few more gray hairs & another stint in the hospital with another round of pancreatitis. Birthdays have not been kind to me.
It has been a rough week & a half. The poor diet choices I have made as of lately have finally bit me in the butt & I am back to being on a strict fat restricted diet. Bye Bye cheese cake, farewell peanut butter, ta ta prime rib & I will miss you my old friend beer.
I have been extremely irritable these past couple of weeks with the symptoms leading up to my hospitalization & the hunger since I returned home. To make matters worse with as little as I have been able to eat, I thought the one bonus at least would be that I would lose a few pounds. I gained 2 pounds instead. I have been whiney, sore, tired, hungry & just plain feeling sorry for myself. I haven’t wanted to do much of anything.
Yesterday we went to a birthday party for a dear friend’s daughter. She was turning 8. I watched as everyone indulged on pulled pork & birthday cake. I jealously made a plate of food for my husband & daughter realizing that there was nothing that I could eat. My girlfriend’s husband noticing that I wasn’t eating offered to make me a low fat fish burger. I felt terrible that he was going out of his way for me, but as he was insistent, I gladly accepted. As we stood at the grill, he asked me how it was that I was feeling, I whined on with my woe-is-me story of belly pain & low fat food, I then looked at my friend’s husband & realized that my complaint was ridiculous. You see my friend’s husband has cancer. He has been battling a rare form of it for 6 years now, but if you did not know him you would probably never know it, because unlike me complaining about my ailments, he does not complain. He remains amazingly optimistic in the face of an uncertain future. Whenever I encounter a miserable person in my travels that just seems to hate everything that life has to offer, I usually think about Alex. He has every reason to be mad at the world, but is not. His positive spirit is amazing & even contagious. As I realized this, I told him I had no right to bitch with all he has gone through. He just smiled as he always does and made me my burger. (Which was delicious by the way) Having to give up junk food does not seem quite like such a big deal anymore.
For the rest of the party, I stopped worrying about the cupcakes & just put my focus to what was the most important, the people I was there with.