After the passing of my mother I felt a huge whole in my heart & in my family. I did not like going home after we lost her. The holidays lost their magic & my parents home felt foreign. After I met my husband, that whole began to close. I felt closer to my family again & had a new family that welcomed me with open arms. Ever since the birth of our daughter, I cannot help but fast forward to the future in my mind. I am not in a hurry to rush through time, but I just can’t seem to help day dreaming. Being a mother of a little girl, I worry about what our relationship might be as we get older. I have this vision in my head of family travels and sporting events where we are all filled with smiles & laughter, but I know that is not the most realistic. I had a typical angry mother/daughter relationship with my mom as a young girl. It took a long time & a lot of growing up before that changed. It is so important to me to impart a strong sense of family in our daughter. I think it is something that I lacked as a young girl. It was not until I was an adult that I understood how important this was.
It makes me so happy that Mai has such a great sense of family & friendship. She is at her happiest when surrounded by family & friends. When Mommy & Daddy are both home, we have to do everything together.
“Come on Mai, it is time to brush your teeth.”
“Dada, come too. We all go together.”
She talks about her family often. At random, she will tell me things like “Nanna is a genius.” or “Auntie Linda is funny.” or “Uncle Pete buy this for Mai.” She will make up stories and include her whole family, she even talks about her grandma & grandpa that she never met. In these stories she refers to us as different animals or characters. “I a baby penguin.” You my mama penguin.” I have been a mama kangaroo, mama sea witch, mama kitten, just to name a few. Sometimes she will ask me to draw pictures of her stories in action. Tonight was such a night. “Mama, draw a Mai Mai monster with sharp teeth.” I drew a Mai Mai monster. “Draw a dada monster right there.” Ok! By the time we were through we had aunties, uncles, and friends. “Family monster all together,”
I hope she holds on to this strong sense of togetherness as she grows older. I hope she knows that I will always be her mama monster and she will always be my baby.