The “No” Mom

UntitledBefore the birth of our daughter my husband & I rarely fought. There was not much to fight about. We shared similar interests, we traveled together & we had a great division of household chores. Life was easy. If we wanted to come home from work & drink some wine & nap on the couch together we could. Those days are long over.

After the birth of our daughter there were more & more arguments. The disagreements were most often about our differing parenting styles. My husband is often very lax with his approach to parenting. This can be infuriating to me. While I am trying to hold firm with teaching our daughter lessons in responsibility or addressing a behavioral issue my husband is usually right behind me giving in. He refers to me as the “No Mommy”. This is not exactly a title I like to hold. It is not fun being the mean parent all the time. The “Yes Daddy” gets to have all the fun.

Sure it would be easy to say yes all the time. I would have a happy child & I would sure be a lot less stressed, but what would I be teaching her if I let her call all the shots.

Mai cut herself the other day & was bleeding. I cleaned up her wound & put a Band-Aid on it. Last night after her bath, I removed the Band-Aid & cleaned the now healed area. She asked for another Band-Aid for her boo boo.

“You don’t have a boo boo anymore.”

“I bleeding still…seeeeee. I need a new Band-Aid.”

As the “No mommy” protested, the “Yes Daddy” gave her a new Band-Aid.

At first I was upset because I had already told her no, but the more I thought about it I began to wonder why? Of course I want to teach my daughter. I want her to know the difference between right & wrong. I want her to know that there are repercussions for bad behavior, but does it really matter if she wants a Band-Aid when she no longer has a boo boo? Similarly just yesterday she was singing to us and banging on one of her toys with a spoon. “Mai stop banging that.” My husband looked at me and asked “Why?” “She is just keeping rhythm.”

It made me think. Are all of my restrictions & no’s really in her best interest or have I gotten so caught up in being the disciplinarian that I no longer know what I am fighting for? Are these just my own little hang-ups? Does it really matter if she has another Band-Aid? Will it screw up her childhood if I let her wear mis-matched clothes? Maybe I am too much of a “No Mommy”. Perhaps my husband can teach me to relax a little bit & maybe I can convince him that Doritos do not make a good supper.

About The Pinterested Parent

I am loving wife to my best friend & mommy to our smarty pants little girl, who loves to learn, craft & play. I am an artist, a crafter & I am Pinterest addict. When I first started my blog it was meant to be an outlet for my Pinterest addiction. I was looking to inspire & be inspired. What it became was a wonderful journey for me & my daughter in which we chronicle our activities, crafts, lessons & a hefty slice of our life. Please join us as we navigate through this wonderful thing called motherhood.
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14 Responses to The “No” Mom

  1. I have lost count how many band aids we have gone through in our house for real or imagined boo boos too. And you are right, this is one fight I have learned to just give in on, as well.

  2. Marla says:

    Oh, I can relate to this! I often feel like I’m the debbie downer on the party. I love what you said here though, i think we can often get in the mindset of keeping things in check, but then lose our spontaneity and fun. Even though it is frustrating, it is helpful to have someone who balances out our natural tendencies. Great posy and very timely for me!!

    • Thank you Marla. My daughter even as young as she is knows to go to daddy when she wants things. Lol! Daddy will do it. My husband & I definitely offer each other a balance. We aren’t Debbie Downers. We are just mommies. 🙂

  3. It’s such a struggle to find a balance and know when to put your foot down. My husband and I have an agreement that we have to back each other up when Wolfy is around and then talk about it later. It’s hard to stick to this 100% of the time but even young kids can tell when their parents are divided and they are experts at exploiting this. At least my little boy is!

  4. flowbeth says:

    Sounds like my household. I’m also the ‘no mummy’ here and I’ve though so many of the things you’ve said. I’ve stopped doing it for really silly things, like extra band-aids if she wants them and jumping in puddles because I came to realise that it wasn’t her behaviour that was getting to me, it was the fact that it would be me who has to pick the unused band aid off the floor or clean the muddy trainers. I realised that it was my problem with what comes afterwards rather than her behaviour. “It’s not naughty, So why am I telling her off?” That’s what I find I ask myself. Obviously if willow drew on the walls (again) it’s a different story, she does get told off lol x

  5. Though I definitely believe we can all fall into the “no” trap I believe as parents we must both sit down and set some ground rules. Possibly before the kids come. The good cop bad cop routine serves no purpose. As parents we need to respect eachothers rules be supportive and compromise. For me, I always made sure that even if we didn’t agree our daughter wouldn’t see us not on same page but instead would wait to later for a discussion. Communication is key for good balance of rules our little ones only get older and the issues more serious. Great share good luck 🙂

    • We had discussed this so many times. We are always in agreement until…we are not. I do try to wait to talk about it later. It can be infuriating but also eye opening as well. Everyone wants the beat for their children. Sometimes is it hard knowing what the best is. Ugh! No one ever said being a parent is easy.

  6. Britnee says:

    I love this post. I was such a “no” mom, now that I’m reading this post. Over anything I was no stop singing loud, no you can’t have this. I don’t recall the exact moment when I realized what I was doing but it was about 2 years ago. When I witnessed it at a birthday party.
    I’m kind of glad I did and glad you realized it and will work on it. Hang in there. You are doing a great job mom!

  7. Ha – it sounds like you two complement each other perfectly! I do sometimes get into a “no” routine and try to catch myself. Somethings are definite “no’s” but other things are more like, “okay, if you must…” 😉

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